Loyalty to the Absent

I've recently been observing a group of people in a retail store. Over the past few months, trust and team spirit have been badly eroding away. One of the things that stands out to me most vividly is a lot of fickle behavior and talk.

The store manager, some assistant managers, and other team members have developed a bad habit of what many describe as "Talking one way to your face and another way behind your back." The store manager -- who has only been a store manager for a short time -- is struggling with communication and morale issues among the team members. What he seems unaware of is the way such "double-mindedness" undermines the desire of his employees to openly share information with him about problems and opportunities to improve the store's operations.

He is often heard talking about employees who are not at work and saying things such as "So-and-so is just complaining because she is lazy." That's the sort of comment he makes when she is away from the store; however, when people overhear him talking to her at the store, the conversation is much different -- he talks to her as if he supports her position while belittling OTHER employees who are not present. Such conduct has helped to rapidly undermine this manager's credibility.

Subconsciously (sometimes consciously) people take this sort of behavior as evidence of being unworthy of trust. The employees are not nearly as likely to confide in this manager because they suspect (with good reason) that he will act supportive to their face, but as soon as they are out of earshot he'll be bad-mouthing them for having spoken up. They figure if he's doing it to everyone else, he's going to do it to them too. And the same thing is happening to everyone who acts in this manner, which is rampant in this store.

A simple rule of self-leadership is to be loyal to the absent. If you feel someone else has a problem, discuss it with them (preferably in private) and stringently avoid talking negatively about that same employee or teammate to their coworkers. Practicing this consistently will demonstrate to everyone on the team that you can be trusted and that you respect all the team members enough to help them preserve their dignity -- even if they have made a mistake or done something wrong. And always, always, always "Praise in public and punish in private."
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Make a No-Cell Phones Date

I want to issue a challenge which could have amazing results. Choose one evening a week with your spouse/significant other/family and declare it officially a "No Cell Phones Date." For the evening, turn off all cell phones, PDA's, Ipods, Computers, and other gadgets that could distract you. Don't just set them aside and try to ignore them if they ring, beep, or whatever. Actually turn them completely off. Choose a good movie or perhaps some good music to enjoy while you relax together. Or go to a movie. Or dinner. Or just sit together in the room and talk about good things. Play a board or card game, perhaps. For something really different, find a good book and take turns reading it out loud.

Whatever you do, knock out any of the day-to-day distractions. Don't let the temptation to just run check the e-mail or messages overcome you during the evening. This is your time together

For many, this will be a daunting task. If it is, all the more reason to do it. I challenge you to do this -- just one evening a week -- for one month. See if at the end of that month you don't start looking forward to it and wanting to continue. If you take me up on this challenge, I hope you'll come back to this blog post and share what it felt like.
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