Lessons I've Learned and Thoughts About Life, Love, and Happiness

The Value of "True" Friends

2010-08-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

People who claim to be friends but judge a person solely on past missteps and mistakes rarely contribute to the quality of a person's life in the long run. In fact, they can actually drag a person down. On the other hand, people who take the time and go to the effort to truly get to know a person, what they actually stand for, and stand by them and support them as long as they are living today in accordance with a positive set of values, and are honest and open enough to respectfully challenge their friends' thinking and actions... that's more likely a "true" friend and someone who can make a person's life richer in many ways, both today and in the future. And true friends are worth infinite times more than their weight in gold. Cherish the true friends. Life is short, fragile, and very precious. Think carefully about which friendships you invest your time and energy in, as it can be the single greatest determining factor in the quality of your life.

"It Just Might Be..." -- Starting Your Partner's Day on a Sweet Note

2010-06-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

If you wake up in the morning and the first thing you want to do is tell your partner "I love you" or take just a moment to leave her or him a simple little "I love you" note on Facebook, or in a message, or a cell phone text message, or perhaps a written note stuck on the bathroom mirror or somewhere for her or him to discover and smile about -- before you spend time sending everyone else in the world messages about what you're doing, how you're feeling, what's on your mind, etc., then it just might be that you're really in love.

How easy it is to get so caught up in the "busyness" of life. But when we catch ourselves saying things like "I'm sorry, I just didn't have time..." when our partner wonders why we don't have time for the little things, yet looking back we see the hours and hours we so easily spend on things like social networking sites and other things that often don't contribute as much to the quality of our life as our partner is trying to, then perhaps it's time to pause and reflect on our priorities. That's why I'm such an advocate of things like "no cell phone dates," which I shared my thoughts on in a past post on this same blog, and limiting the amount of time idly spent browsing the internet or just goofing around on social networking sites.

Online friends are great. And admittedly some of them are in actuality "real life," everyday friends. I'm all for keeping in touch with them and enjoying that sort of interaction. But I'm also a huge advocate of putting our face-to-face relationships first and not letting the energy and effort that should go into the relationships we want to last a lifetime and to be our safe harbor be sacrificed to things that won't be what (or who) really sees us through the hard times. As Goethe said "Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least." The day I tell my partner "I just don't have time" but I spend hours in online exchanges with people who aren't as significant a part of my life as my partner -- please -- someone slap me really, really hard.

Ralph Waldo Emerson stated it eloquently when he said "What you are shouts so loudly in my ear I cannot hear what you say." To put it in our more modern terms, it's easy to talk the talk. But walking the walk takes effort. It takes thinking with both the mind and the heart. It takes asking ourselves "How would such-and-such make ME feel if I were looking at it from my partner's perspective."

What we do (and what we don't do) speaks volumes about which people and what things are really most important to us. It shows. It matters. Thinking about that and truly acting on it can make a big difference in our own lives and the lives of those we truly love. A bigger difference than most people realize. It's the little things that make a big difference. It never fails.

Want to experience it for yourself? Here's a little challenge:

Put yourself a note in a conspicuous place as a reminder to do the following. Tape it on your computer monitor or near your toothbrush. For ten days -- just ten consecutive days -- when you get up, make it one of the very first things you do to take just a minute (okay, maybe it will take all of two or at a stretch three minutes) to write a note, send a text, post a message, or send an e-mail that says "I love you." Try it and see what happens. If you're really brave do it for 30 days and watch what happens. After 30 days, it could become a habit -- the habit of investing the first moment or two of your day in a way that can have positive effects on the next 24 hours for that certain someone in your life (and yourself.) Truth is, habits like this can have a profound influence on the rest of your lives together.

If you actually engage in this little challenge, I invite you to revisit this blog and share how it felt to do it and what sort of reactions you might have gotten from it.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

2009-12-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

This morning I find myself thinking on the issue of getting advice from friends. More specifically, I'm thinking about WHICH friends we get our advice from regarding different areas of our lives.

As en example, if you want to have a happy, lasting marriage, which of your friends would you seek out to talk to about marital issues? Think about this for a moment...

If you spend your time talking about marital issues with friends who are not and have never been in a truly happy, lasting marriage, what sort of advice do you think they are likely to give you? Chances are they will encourage you to do things that people seem to think are okay to do -- in an UNHAPPY relationship. It's likely that if you're handling situations in ways that could be handled better by doing things differently than you are now, these friends WON'T look at you and say "Maybe that's not such a good idea. That could be part of the problem. Have you ever thought about doing (???) instead?" It's not that you shouldn't be friends with these people. But always keep in mind that there might be other people out there who can give you at least a little better advice.

Using the example of marital issues, do you have friends who have been happily married to the same person for 10 years? 20? 30? Ask yourself (honestly) how much time you spend bouncing ideas off of them and listening to their advice (even if it seems to be in the form of casual conversation, there might be some advice buried in there.) If you'd estimate that you spend 1/10th the time talking with these people (especially about relationship issues) that you do talking with friends who have a history of divorces, cheating between spouses, abusive, dysfunctional relationships, you might be setting yourself up for failures and not even realize it.

I see the same theory applying to work: seek out work and career advice from people with a history of being happily employed and being good employees and team members, not from "job hoppers" who tend to get fired or quit jobs often.

Raising kids? Do you think someone who has no kids (or teenagers) or does have kids but they all ended up in juvenile detention is the right person for parenting advice? Or would you perhaps be a little better off to get such advice from people who have raised kids with less history of problems -- kids that graduated high school, maybe attended college, and have settled into happy, productive, highly functional lives?

Sometimes we get stuck in patterns of counterproductive behavior. (Especially) when our behavior patterns and decision making are based on what we found ourselves doing in unhappy, failed relationships, or bad job situations, or nightmare child-rearing situations, we begin to justify repeating those behaviors and decisions in present situations and by doing so we end up making the situation worse instead of doing things and making choices that could actually improve the situation. Toss in a friend or two who (with a good heart but poor experience) actually supports our dysfunctional behaviors and decisions, making comments like "Oh, honey, I'd have done exactly the same thing. That's showing them!" and those comments make us feel validated and justified; whereas, maybe what we needed to hear was more like "I don't think that was the wise thing to do. If you want trust in your marriage, the worst thing to do is get upset about something and sneak around or hide stuff. That's guaranteed to tear your relationship apart."

True friends challenge us to rise to the occasion and be our best. They don't just "accept us as we are" when we're doing things that could wreck our lives. At the least, a true friend who has never been in a good relationship, or had a job they loved for a long time, or raised kids without excessive issues, will look at you and honestly say "I don't think I'm the person you ought to talk to about that. Maybe you should talk to so-and-so, because she's got a little better track record there."

We worry a lot about who our kids hang around. Why? Because we know that if they hang around certain kids a lot, they will adopt some of their behaviors. If we know a kid's a troublemaker or drinks or does drugs, etc., we don't want our kids picking up those same behaviors, do we? Do you think the phenomenon of picking up bad behaviors and ideas from others stops when you're no longer a kid? No longer a teenager? No longer in your 20's? No. It never stops.

I am not suggesting outright "dumping" all your friends. But I am suggesting that we (we, not just others -- I am trying to digest my own thoughts here, too) think about WHICH FRIENDS are the right ones to get advice and support from, and which ones are better suited for discussing other (or less serious) matters in life. If you don't have friends with a history of great marriages, careers, child-rearing, etc., think about the implications of that, then look around. There are people out there that could become your friends and enrich your life in the short-term and long-term.

You can't pick your parents. But you can pick who it is you surround yourself with and get influenced by.

Inspiration, Purpose, and Unlimited Potential

2009-10-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be." -- Patanjali.

I do not believe any further explanation is needed. Just read the above paragraph (again) and let it sink in.

-- Dan Gunter --

How to Avoid Trust Issues In Relationships

2009-10-07T17:25:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me personally know that I do not profess to be the "expert" in relationships, management, etc. What I am, however, is a person who has picked up a lot of lessons in life -- some the easy way, some the hard way -- and is willing to share those so that perhaps someone else's day goes a little better, or maybe a relationship can be made just a tiny bit better. We all want those things, right? To wit, sometimes what I share is brought to the surface by recent events in my own life. I simply figure that while it's on my mind I'll write it down and share it with you, my friends. Not only is it cathartic, but it helps ME to understand the ideas and lessons even better, along with my own thinking. As E.M. Forster put it, "How can I know what I think until I see what I say?"

Today, I am pondering the importance of what we often consider to be "little," trivial things. Often, what we often consider to be insignificant -- be it a promise not kept, a task around the house not taken care of, a detail not handled in our job, etc. -- while seeming trivial to us, is actually very important to someone else. Whether it affects their feelings or interferes with their ability to in turn do their job, if we aren't aware of and/or don't take into consideration how another person perceives our actions (or lack thereof), we can easily set the stage for major problems. It might be a problem with a coworker, a customer, our friends, our kids, our spouse -- any number of possibilities.

Things happen. Life deals us our fair share of critical situations that interfere sometimes with our ability to keep our word or do the things expected of us (or things we've promised... and let's face it, if you make a promise, the person you made it to SHOULD expect you to keep it.) But what about those times when we simply get caught up in other things and neglect those little things that we said we'd do? We should understand how that can affect others. It's like saying "You're not important enough for me to keep my word." The other person might not tell us that's what they're thinking, but that is EXACTLY what they perceive it to mean more often than we realize.

Over time, such seemingly minor violations of trust add up. The other person can easily start to feel that if we can't be trusted to keep our word on seemingly small, easily handled matters, what will happen when something really huge comes our way? Of course they will have problems trusting us. And we in turn easily project, saying "You have trust issues." Doggone right they do. The issue is that we've given them ample reason to doubt that they can trust us. It's really that simple.

So what do we do to avoid having giant problems occur in the arena of trust? Simple. Be trustworthy. I've often referred to Dr. Steven Covey's teachings on the "emotional bank account." If you aren't familiar with that, I urge you to read his "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." It's one of the most potentially life-changing and life-improving books I've ever come across. And trust me (!) I've read many.

If I tell a client I'll call him back at 1 p.m., I want him to expect that call. And I expect of myself nothing less than to be dialing the phone. If I do that consistently, on that one occasion out of a hundred when something major really does prevent me from keeping my word, his past experience with me will lead him to think "That's not like Dan. Something really important must have come up. I know he'll call me as soon as he's able to." If, on the other hand, I make it a habit not to call him when promised, I certainly have no right to be upset with him if he says "That's normal with Dan. He never does what he says he's going to." Nor should I be terribly surprised or offended when he drops me for another consultant who just happens to have a reputation for keeping his word.

The same principle applies in our marriages and every relationship in our lives.

Want to avoid the B-I-G problem of trust issues? Be trustworthy.

Determination

2009-08-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

There once was a young boy who spent countless childhood hours bedridden. Severe asthma limited his ability to play like other kids, and as he lay in bed struggling to breathe, he was afraid to go to sleep for fear he would not wake up. His younger brother, Elliott, became his protection against neighborhood bullies. Yet he was determined to become strong mentally and physically. His desire to become self-sufficient fortified him through a daily exercise routine and hours of weight lifting. He became an avid reader and absorbed books on every conceivable subject. Later, as a Harvard student, he became known for his energy and enthusiasm. Eventually, he became quite widely known by everyone and his name is forever written in the history books. His name was Theodore Roosevelt.

When you put things into perspective, given that most of us are struggling with day-to-day issues that are not life threatening -- unlike the challenges young Teddy Roosevelt faced -- it becomes clear that determination is a key ingredient in how far we go in life and the legacy we leave behind.

I hope all of you have an Excellent day.

Dan Gunter

The Root of Persuasion

2009-08-03T06:15:00.001-07:00

Recently I've been engaged in a lot of think about how you really get others to consider your way of thinking. Sometimes you just want them to understand WHY you feel a certain way. At other times, it might be critical to steer them to change their ways of doing things.

We all know that forcing, cajoling, and using "carrot and stick" approaches won't work. At best, that yields temporary compliance. Before long, they revert back to the same, ineffective, obstructive, or possibly destructive thought and behavior patterns and the cycle starts all over again. So what can we do to actually persuade others to really "buy into" different ideas and techniques in ways that will produce lasting change and better results?

Everything I've reviewed that seems to be even remotely credible or feasible has one common denominator -- one factor that is missing in all the "techniques" that are quite obviously bogus: the common (and quite likely THE KEY FACTOR) is HONESTY.

Don't focus all your effort on creating a sales pitch for your ideas. Don't make up horror stories and threaten employees. And don't count on prizes and monetary awards alone. Instead, put your heart into it. Get real with those you are trying to convince. If you are sharing ideas based on your own experience -- especially if that experience was a time when you seriously screwed something up and paid dearly for it -- humble yourself and share that experience, including the painful details. People have a surprising way of suddenly listening to the things you share when they sense you have put pride, rank, and other factors aside and simply "opened up" to them.

I once watched the ongoing destruction of a workplace team at a Cracker Barrel restaurant. The people on the team had reached the point that no matter what the retail manager told them, they automatically assumed that the manager's motives were never "good customer service," or "the right thing to do." Instead, they always suspected that this manager had ulterior motives of her own. The manager would tell all her employees things like "We're way off our sales targets and the company is threating to..." and spin tales of horror. Next thing they'd know, this same manager would be gone for a few days on little "vacation" or "getaway." What the employees finally discovered was that the manager was winning these trips -- they were her prizes for sales contests. What do you think eventually happened? Sales DID fall below goals. Consistently. The employees, who were being threatened into achieving goals for the manager's benefit while not being rewarded themselves (and being subjected to further threats) quit performing. The problem was two-fold: the people actually DOING the work weren't the ones being rewarded; even worse; the manager lost credibility with her employees. Had she been truthful with them about why she was pushing to make those sales AND taken steps to in return reward the team for a job well done, she would have stood a chance at sustaining high sales numbers and high customer service levels.

In summary, if you want to be persuasive, don't be deceptive. Lead from the heart and with honesty and openness.

"To be persuasive, we must be believable; to be believable, we must be credible; to be credible, we must be truthful." -- Edward R. Murrow.

Have a fantastic day!
Dan Gunter

The Best Way To Make Your Point

2009-07-31T04:47:00.000-07:00

Today I want to share with you a little story that has powerful, long term implications in our personal lives, our relationships, in customer and employee relations, marketing, branding... everything we do.

According to the Life of Francis d'Assisi, Francis once invited a young monk to join him on a trip to the local village to preach. Honored to be asked and excited to learn from the master, the monk readily accepted.

All day long he and Francis walked through the streets, byways, and alleys caring for the needs of the poor and helpless along the way. They rubbed shoulders with hundreds of people. At day's end, the two headed back home. Not even once had Francis addressed the gathered crowds, nor had he talked to anyone about the gospel. Greatly disappointed, his young companion said "I thought we were going into town to preach." Francis responded, "My son, we did preach. We were preaching while we were walking. We were watched by many and our behavior was closely observed. It is of no use to walk anywhere to preach unless we preach everywhere as we walk!"

So often we want to convince our teenage kids to adopt good habits or avoid bad ones; to get a coworker to act in better ways toward customers and clients; to make a spouse or significant other understand why something they do bothers us so much; to convince someone to do business with us based on what we tell them. We want to do it with words and we want it to take root immediately.

We must develop the patience to close our mouths at times and just "Be the change we wish to see in the world," as Gandhi stated it. If we want to convince others of the merits of what we are trying to say, perhaps we should stop "preaching" it for a while and just start "doing" it and "living" it.

If you haven't seen it already, I encourage you to watch the following video, which I hope demonstrates these ideas better than I can merely talk about them.

Have an Excellent day!
Dan

How You Can Add Value to Social Networking and the New Media

2009-07-30T04:26:00.000-07:00

Everywhere we turn -- the internet, television, radio, magazines, even discussions among friends -- we hear lots of talk about how things like social networking and YouTube are changing the world. Isn't it ironic, though, that most of the discussion that is taking place is not about changing the world or making it a better place -- it's about, well, the discussion itself.

Look at all the debates and all the statistics being thrown around about whether Twitter or watching video online is now more popular than social networking; whether Twitter is now a better tool for business promotion than Facebook; all the talk is about the talking methods but not about the content or context.

Why?

I think it's because we're too busy focusing on the "what" (the technology and tools) and we've lost focus on the "why" (what it is we want these tools to actually do for us.) The way we do things is no doubt changing. How we communicate and interact. We're all rushing to adopt the newest toys. Actually, we usually feel like we're running just to catch up. There's so much change.

The real stressor, however, is that despite all these new gadgets and toys, our fundamental problems aren't getting solved. We're still eager to find more customers. People are still homeless. People are still hungry. Too many are obese. Too few have health insurance or access to health care. The economy is still awful. We still have to work just to make ends meet (if we're among the fortunate who are actually working.) In a nutshell, despite all these new ways of doing things, we still face the same issues and problems in our daily lives as before.

I challenge us all to think about how we can actually use all this new technology to actually make life better for others and ourselves. Not just in fun, diversionary ways, but real, deep, fundamental, lasting ways.

Today, do at least one small thing using this new technology to make at least a tiny difference for at least one person.

Write a friend an encouraging email (don't just forward someone else's -- actually speak your own words.) Write a blog or a comment on Facebook or MySpace giving a shout-out for someone who has done something good. Go online and use your credit card to make even a small $5 or $10 donation to an organization you really care about. Whatever you do, just do something that actually makes a difference for somebody.

If we're all going to be this hooked-up, wired-up, and fired up, why not have it make a positive difference for someone else? You can. So go do it. Today. Now. That's change we can all live (better) with.

Have a wonderful day!
Dan

Get Your Foot Off the Brake -- July 29, 2009

2009-07-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

Do you ever drive your car with one foot pressing the gas pedal while the other foot is pressing down on the brake pedal? Of course you don't do that. It would be patently foolish. Not only would it wear out your nerves, your legs, your engine, and your brakes -- it would most likely keep you from getting anywhere at all.

So, are you doing that in life? In your work?

Quite often, the major hindrance to achieving that exciting and worthy objective we have in mind is not interference by other people or environmental, situational, or financial hurdles -- it's the limitations we place on ourselves. Consciously, or perhaps subconsciously, we indulge thoughts such as "Well, nothing ever really works out like I want it to, so this won't turn out any different." By doing so, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy and, sure enough... we go nowhere. Another disappointment to use as our own evidence to further bog down our thinking, motivation, and inspiration for the next goal that we won't push to achieve.

Listen to your own thoughts. Ask yourself "What would I achieve if I knew I absolutely could not fail?" Don't interrupt your answer to that question with "BUT, I always fail..." thoughts.

John Maxwell put it this way: "Many intelligent adults are restrained in thoughts, actions, and results. They never move further than the boundaries of their self-imposed limitations."

Starting today, take your foot off the brake of your life, your work, and your relationships. Not only will the destination be worth the trip, but the scenery and events along the way will add meaning and memories to the journey.

I trust you are having an Excellent week!
Dan

Learners vs. Nonlearners

2009-07-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

Today I find myself thinking about lifelong learning. How easily we think that education stops when we're handed that diploma or that degree. Truly wise people -- people who lead the successful lives we want so much to emulate -- know that life itself is a continual learning process.

Benjamin Barber stated it well, when he said "I don't divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures, those who make it or those who don't. I divide the world into learners and nonlearners.

"There are people who learn, who are open to what happens around them, who listen, who hear the lessons. When they do something stupid, they don't do it again. And when they do something that works a little bit, they do it even better and harder the next time. The question to ask is not whether you are a success or a failure, but whether you are a learner or a nonlearner."

As you navigate your way through this day, be a learner. Seek more than knowledge. Be a lifelong learner.

"We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge." -- John Naisbitt.

Have an Excellent day!
Dan

Today, be a Person of "Action" -- July 27, 2009

2009-07-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a terrific weekend. Here it is Monday -- the day so many dread. Don't be one of those people with the mindset that Mondays are impossible and unbearable. Instead, set out to make today a day of action. And that is precisely my challenge to all of us today. Start today determined to make something cool, something positive, something powerful happen. Today, be a person of action. It's not enough to wish it, hope it, or merely intend it. Get your feet and hands in sync with your mind and do it.

"Apply yourself. Get all the education you can, but then, by God, do something. Don't just stand there, make it happen." -- Lee Iacocca.

And have a terrific Monday!

Dan

Weekend Challenge: Paint Life Beautifully

2009-07-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

Here it is, Friday. The day so many of us start perking up and getting all excited. Another workweek behind us. Time to escape or to get out and enjoy ourselves. With that in mind, I am offering a different sort of challenge to all of us today. It is one for the weekend. We have the entire weekend to do it, so that should make it easier.

I am going to issue today's challenge a bit differently, by sharing someone else's words and letting you figure out how to best apply them. Remember you have three days to work on this one, so make really good use of it. Here it is:

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can." -- Danny Kaye.

So, what colors will you choose?

Have a great weekend!
Dan

Raising the Bar of Excellence

2009-07-23T04:49:00.001-07:00

Thoughts for Thursday, July 23, 2009.

Today I want to challenge myself and all of you to raise the bar of Excellence. That project I'm working on for a client... am I reaching for true Excellence that will make them feel good about their decision to use my services, or just trying to make it good enough to satisfy them and their minimum requirements?

It has been said that the problem is not that we set our goals too high and fail to reach them. Rather, the fear is that we set them too low and achieve them. The difference between these two possibilities is a matter of still achieving a "Wow!" outcome in the former, and a "That'll do" outcome in the latter.

Aim high. Reach like hell for the highest of goals. I hope you achieve them, but if you fall a bit short, you still stand head and shoulders above average.

"I would rather perform at 90 percent of an excellence standard than 110 percent of an adequacy standard." -- Don Beveridge.

Have an Excellent day!
Dan

Today I Will Seek to Assist Others

2009-07-22T04:21:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week. Today, I encourage you to think about assisting others in the pursuit of their goals, dreams, and passions. So often we get caught up in "Me," "What I need," What I want," or other thoughts of the things WE want for ourselves -- things we think will make us feel happy and fulfilled. Yet when we get them or achieve them, we still feel as though something is missing.

The reason we often feel empty and incomplete even after attaining some high personal goal or acquiring the things we thought would make us feel complete is that we are not here merely for ourselves. We are all here for the benefit of humanity and to accomplish things that far transcend our own goals.

Many people are familiar with Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs." In ascending order of importance, he listed: physical, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization. That's the version most of us were taught. What many people are not aware of is that before his death, Maslow realized this was incomplete. Many people appear to be fully self-actualized, yet they are still reaching for something else. If Maslow's original hierarchy of needs had been right, one could conjecture that once "self-actualization" had been achieved, a person had no reason to keep reaching higher. What Maslow came to realize was that there was one need greater than that of self-actualization. That need is "transcendence" -- the need to contribute to something that goes above and beyond ourselves.

So the question is, what can you do today to help others? It might be to assist a friend, family member, or a coworker in need. Perhaps it will be giving a little time to a group that serves challenged teens in your area. Maybe you will offer to take a little of the daily stress off someone's shoulders at work or at home. The opportunities and possibilities are only limited by your ability to look around you and find opportunities to serve others.

"Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve... You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today, try approaching life with a serving spirit. And have a blessed day.

Dan Gunter

Who Have You Encouraged Today?

2009-07-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

My challenge to myself and all of you for today:

Encourage at least one person. A family member. A coworker. A friend. There are people all around us who feel as though they are facing challenges too great to overcome. You can make all the difference in the world to one of those people if you will simply invest the time and words to help them break through the barrier of negative thinking. Make the tiniest crack in that wall for them, and the whole thing can crumble and open up a world of new possibilities for them -- and perhaps for you, too, as a result.

"Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A word of optimism and hope. A 'You can do it' then things are tough." -- Richard M. DeVos.

Would you like to have a terrific week?

2009-07-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

I'm issuing everyone a challenge this beautiful Monday morning: have a terrific week. It doesn't matter how many deadlines or seemingly insurmountable obstacles you see listed in your planner for this week. It doesn't matter how many wildfires you have to put out. What does matter is your frame of mind -- whether you INTEND to have a good week.

Paul Harvey once said "I hope someday to have so much of what the world calls success, that people will ask me, 'What's your secret?' and I will tell them, 'I just get up again when I fall down'."

So, start this week determined that if you fall down (or even if you get knocked down) you'll just pop back up with a grin on your face and keep moving forward. That's the only way the things we call "miracles" ever occur.

Dan Gunter

Rest in peace, faithful friend

2009-07-13T04:28:00.000-07:00

A little before 3 a.m. today, we lost a very dear and very faithful friend. Andy, our 15 year old dog, passed away. We called him "Bubba" as often as we called him "Andy," but we hope he hears our hearts calling out to him this morning. He certainly touched ours and always in a big way.

Andy was Sandy's faithful companion from the time he was a few weeks old. Sandy sometimes called him her "WalMart dog." She adopted him as a barely weaned pup 15 years ago from someone sitting in front of a WalMart store with the litter, offering them free to good homes. She didn't grab him up at first, but he had sure grabbed onto her. She went on in to shop and while doing so decided that if those puppies were still there when she went back out she'd take one home. As she left the store, there was one pup left. She named him Andy because of Dolly Pardon's song "Me and Little Andy" (you may recall it's about a little girl named Sandy and her little dog, Andy.)

Sandy and Andy came into my life in the last three years. Andy was not friendly with strangers. For the first three months we were together, he was determined to let me know it. He even broke his cable one day and made his marks on me. But within a few weeks of that day, we became buddies. From that day forward, you would have thought we had been lifelong friends. He was still very much "Mama's baby boy," always elated when she was within eyesight of him, but he always tried to let me know in his own ways that he was a "Daddy's boy," too.

I find myself thinking about my friend Andy Andrews' comments about their dalmation, Lucy, who passed not very long ago. I think about him figuring out once that if he'd treat his wife as good as the dog treated his wife, maybe his wife would treat him as good as she did the dog. Thinking about that makes me laugh on one hand, and very sad now on the other, as I know how faithful and loving a companion Andy has been to Sandy. I made little Andy a promise a long time ago that I would take very good care of his human mommy. I think that's partly why we made such good friends -- much to the surprise of a lot of people. Dogs have a sense about such things. I also reminded him of that promise in the wee hours of this, Andy's last morning with us. Perhaps that let him go in peace, knowing that I want to be no less faithful a companion to Sandy for the rest of our time on this Earth.

Bubba, thank you for the love you showed us all. I will never forget our adventures. The first time you stole your mama's sweet, iced tea -- which she didn't even know until then that you would drink. The first time you jumped up in the swing to your mommy's surprise. Seeing you lounging on top of the picnic table on muggy Summer nights, trying to catch a little breeze. Discovering that you'd dug up the topsoil and grass seeds (again, and again) faster than I could fill the hole and start over. Seeing you play with the water in your kiddy pool, splashing the water out of it so that you could chase the little stream across the yard. Then managing to flip the pool over once you'd emptied it and seeing a blue, plastic pool moving around the yard with four black feet sticking out from underneath like a big, blue, headless turtle.

It's time for you to have even more adventures now. Without arthritis, tether cables, or even fences. You are free. You deserve to be playing like a healthy young pup again. You deserve an eternity filled with joy and happiness -- the very things you so faithfully gave us without judgment or conditions.

Andy, you are possibly the greatest example of love we have ever seen. You will live on in our hearts and memories for eternity. You are already missed, as our tears and pain no doubt speak for themselves.

With love,
The family that loves and misses you with all our hearts.

Follow the Leader

2009-07-10T04:08:00.000-07:00

On the heels of some dialog I've been involved in over the past couple of days, I thought I'd share with all of you a little video I recently put together. Just click on the video below to watch it. The video -- Part of the "Journey to Excellence" series -- demonstrates the importance of what we do, and what happens when our words and deeds don't match. This video is meant to be interactive. I encourage you to follow the instructions in the video as you watch it the first time. You will need a sheet of 8-1/2" x 11" paper and a pair of scizzors to do the exercise.

This is also a great exercise to use with teams, classes, and clients.

Have fun!

Dan

"Give me a beverage strong enough..."

2009-07-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

Introductory info: A few of us recently got into a discussion on Tom Peters' website and blogs regarding (first) Lorenz's "Butterfly Effect" (also known as the law of "Sensitive dependence upon initial conditions") which states that a butterfly flapping its wings in the rain forest on one side of the world moves molecules of air, which in turn move other molecules of air... eventually causing a hurricane on the other side of the world. There has also been a lot of commenting on Tom's site regarding banks, financial institutions, and their contribution to the current economic crisis by means of subprime and careless lending practices.

Then, discussion ensued regarding "The beer game," which originated at M.I.T. The game demonstrates very vividly how wild fluctuations can occur in markets and supply chains due to system delays and the assumptions and overreactions on the part of the "players" (members of the supply chain.) I lightheartedly proposed that the consumption of real beer be added during the execution of the beer game. The following is a bit of dialog which got some fun reactions, and let to one of my very own mottos (an obvious twist on Archimedes' quote about "Give me a lever long enough..."

I'll let you read the rest for yourself. Here it is, copied from Tom's site, per the suggestion of a fellow blogger:

John, it is truly one of the greatest tools I've seen for showing folks how our "best thinking" is more often than not exactly what creates our worst problems. "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." -- Einstein.

Stephen, I would add the "wings" of the consumer. Our demand for ways to buy homes and cars and things we cannot realistically afford is a demand that someone is bound to try to capitalize on -- namely "lending institutions." As they say, be careful what you ask for "flap, flap" because you just might get it... "flap, flap"... and end up with a foreclosure and bankruptcy... "splat"...

"Honey, was that a butterfly that just hit the windshield?"

It ain't all the lenders' fault. If someone makes a faulty product and we naively keep buying it, we should question ourselves instead of shouting "How the hell are they allowed to do that and stay in business? Look at all the mess they made." But we DO buy what they're peddling.

It's sad, but true, that had there been this much discussion and complaining about the nature of what they were doing when they started doing it, the situation might be different today.

We want cheap credit, lenient credit, and indeed end up overextending ourselves. They see that as an opportunity and facilitate it, overextending THEMSELVES in the process. We -- the consumers -- are just as guilty as they are in this mess. True, they "sell" us on doing the same foolish things over and over, but we're just as guilty of "selling" to them by unwittingly demanding it of them.

Not long after he took office, I heard that Obama was instituting steps to encourage credit card companies and auto finance companies to offer more credit to consumers. "HELLO? Is anybody awake out there?" Bankruptcies hit all time highs while credit defaults are causing banks and lending institutions to fail. I was totally flabbergasted that President Obama was even suggesting that what we needed was more of the same.

PaulH, the consumer position is good. Enough cold beers and the game would have more entertainment value... and the economy might start looking less dreary. While we're playing the consumer role in the game, we should paint our bodies, wear clown wigs, wave pom poms, and root for one of the other players in the game... "Watch this y'all, Chuck's playing the part of the warehouse guy. Betcha he punches ol' Robert in the nose before the game's over. He damn near pulled out his .357 in the parking lot on Bill after the last game. GO CHUCK, GO CHUCK... come on everybody... let's get a wave going..."

A wave... one person starts it, and soon 80,000 people in the stadium are doing something that's seen on televisions all over the country. Hmmm... good example of the butterfly effect right there.
Amazing what one too many beers can lead to.

Posted by Dan Gunter at July 9, 2009 8:27 AM

Maybe I just found my new motto: "Give me a beverage strong enough, and singlehandedly I can move the world's economy." -- Dan Gunter, circa this moment. LOL.

Why NOT? Everything else to do with the economy has pretty much wound up in the toilet.

Posted by Dan Gunter at July 9, 2009 8:28 AM

Loyalty to the Absent

2009-06-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

I've recently been observing a group of people in a retail store. Over the past few months, trust and team spirit have been badly eroding away. One of the things that stands out to me most vividly is a lot of fickle behavior and talk.

The store manager, some assistant managers, and other team members have developed a bad habit of what many describe as "Talking one way to your face and another way behind your back." The store manager -- who has only been a store manager for a short time -- is struggling with communication and morale issues among the team members. What he seems unaware of is the way such "double-mindedness" undermines the desire of his employees to openly share information with him about problems and opportunities to improve the store's operations.

He is often heard talking about employees who are not at work and saying things such as "So-and-so is just complaining because she is lazy." That's the sort of comment he makes when she is away from the store; however, when people overhear him talking to her at the store, the conversation is much different -- he talks to her as if he supports her position while belittling OTHER employees who are not present. Such conduct has helped to rapidly undermine this manager's credibility.

Subconsciously (sometimes consciously) people take this sort of behavior as evidence of being unworthy of trust. The employees are not nearly as likely to confide in this manager because they suspect (with good reason) that he will act supportive to their face, but as soon as they are out of earshot he'll be bad-mouthing them for having spoken up. They figure if he's doing it to everyone else, he's going to do it to them too. And the same thing is happening to everyone who acts in this manner, which is rampant in this store.

A simple rule of self-leadership is to be loyal to the absent. If you feel someone else has a problem, discuss it with them (preferably in private) and stringently avoid talking negatively about that same employee or teammate to their coworkers. Practicing this consistently will demonstrate to everyone on the team that you can be trusted and that you respect all the team members enough to help them preserve their dignity -- even if they have made a mistake or done something wrong. And always, always, always "Praise in public and punish in private."

Make a No-Cell Phones Date

2009-06-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

I want to issue a challenge which could have amazing results. Choose one evening a week with your spouse/significant other/family and declare it officially a "No Cell Phones Date." For the evening, turn off all cell phones, PDA's, Ipods, Computers, and other gadgets that could distract you. Don't just set them aside and try to ignore them if they ring, beep, or whatever. Actually turn them completely off. Choose a good movie or perhaps some good music to enjoy while you relax together. Or go to a movie. Or dinner. Or just sit together in the room and talk about good things. Play a board or card game, perhaps. For something really different, find a good book and take turns reading it out loud.

Whatever you do, knock out any of the day-to-day distractions. Don't let the temptation to just run check the e-mail or messages overcome you during the evening. This is your time together

For many, this will be a daunting task. If it is, all the more reason to do it. I challenge you to do this -- just one evening a week -- for one month. See if at the end of that month you don't start looking forward to it and wanting to continue. If you take me up on this challenge, I hope you'll come back to this blog post and share what it felt like.

Social "Networks" or Social "Handicaps?"

2009-05-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

Twitter count as of today:

Following: 5
Followers: 60

A few weeks ago, those were 127 and over 400 respectively. I spent a great deal of time deleting the ones I really had no interest in or -- even worse -- had no clue who they even were. Which brings up a question or two. Between Twitter and a host of "social networking" sites, how much of the effort I put forth and the time I spend is actually making my life better?

Am I investing time that would have been more wisely and fruitfully invested in real, face-to-face relationships with people I actually know? I'm not saying that social networking in and of itself is a bad thing. It's the way a lot of ideas get shared, work gets discusses, and families and (real) friends stay better connected.

But how much is TOO much?

And are interactions of the "social networking" variety often so vastly different than real face-to-face interactions that we are losing some of our interpersonal skills?

I believe we often let these social networking tools and site become "social handicaps," not only altering the ways we talk to one another and interact in terms of basic courtesies, but also taking time and attention away from the relationships that most profoundly affect our lives. I am referring to our relationships with our spouses, children, family, friends, and coworkers.

What are your opinions? If you agree, have you taken any steps toward changing the situation for the better?

The floor is open to any and all. What say you?

Shifting Focus -- Slightly

2009-05-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

I have recently found myself engaged in numerous conversations regarding how we might be letting all the tools and technology that were supposed to make our lives better actually get in the way of our relationships and priorities. I don't claim to know all the answers, or even all the right questions to ask. But as of today, I am shifting the focus of this blog -- in a way -- more heavily toward discussions on such topics.

It is my sincere hope that we can strike up some useful dialog and share thoughts on things we can actually DO, steps we can take, changes we can implement in order to better focus on the things that really matter to us in life.

We all talk about relationships, time management, goal setting, balance... tons of terms and topics that are all interrelated in one fundamental way:

All of these issues boil down to SELF-LEADERSHIP.

We complain about all the things that are getting in the way of what we really wish we were doing and achieving in our lives, our relationships, and our work. So let's put our thoughts out on the table. And let's go one step farther: let's share ideas and experiences with a simple question in mind: "What can we DO about it?"

It starts with each of us taking control of ourselves. We can't blame it on anything else. Not the technology. Not the weather. Not other people. It starts inside ourselves. So, tell us what you are doing to lead yourself to a better life. And I'll humbly share my ideas, successes, and even my failures, too.

Recommendation: "From Ambition to Meaning."

2009-04-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

I would like to take a moment to share with all of you a high recommendation for a new video from Dr. Wayne Dyer. It is called "Ambition to Meaning," and it as a very well produced story in which we see several people experience significant shifts in thinking. Dr. Dyer's books and materials are excellent in general, but I especially recommend getting this one and setting aside some uninterrupted time to view it. Be sure to keep a pen and paper handy, as you'll likely want to make some notes and jot down some thoughts as you view it. It is available on DVD and for online viewing from Hay House, Inc.

Can two people disagree and both be right?

2007-10-11T05:06:00.000-07:00

I came across something this morning that started me thinking about the issue of disagreements between people. In essence, the question was raised "Can two people disagree and both be right?" The answer to that question is a resounding "Yes."

It has been aptly said that we each see life through our own lens. We interpret the world and make our decisions about life based on our own experiences, intentions, and values. We sometimes find ourselves in disagreement with someone because our "take" on the situation differs from theirs. So who's right in such a situation? Quite often, BOTH people are right. Each is looking through their own, individual lens at the situation and feels the need to take action based on their own needs. Unfortunately, life often calls for both people to act in some sort of accord, which seems to pose a problem because you can't have it both ways. This is where a real shift in thinking must take place.

First, both people must consciously come to realize that the situation calls for a higher level of thinking - a level at which each person can somehow satisfy their needs AND allow the other person to do the same. This may seem impossible at first and, admittedly sometimes it may very well be impossible, but such cases are actually rarer than one might think. Operating out of the mindset that it is NOT impossible, changing our level of thinking is the key to two people (or even a whole group of people) reaching that magical point of "synergy" where everyone has their needs met.

Second, everyone involved must explicitly agree that the situation calls for a shift in energy. It is absolutly essential that everyone stop investing energy in fighting for his or her "cause." It may only seem natural to go to battle with a specific objective in mind, but that is false thinking. What is important - indeed necessary - is the ability to search for answers and solutions that will satisfy everyone and that can not and will not happen until everyone is willing to "stop the train" and shift their energy to searching for mutually beneficial solutions. This is when the real magic starts to happen.

Third, everyone must be willing to be vulnerable for a little while. This is not the same as voluntarily becoming "weak" or "passive." Instead, it means being willing to openly share your own needs and concerns and at the same time REALLY LISTEN to and UNDERSTAND the other side's needs and concerns. Until you are willing to actually do this, you are doing nothing more than fighting for your own cause and you've forced the situation back to a point where it is probably unsolvable. The beauty of actually listening to the other side's needs and concerns is that you might very well start to see at least a tiny shift in your own thinking. This "stage" of the "process," to loosely use these terms, is where many people often find that they have been dealing with what is known as a "false dichotomy." A false dichotomy is a situation in which it seems there are only two choices on the table when there are probably numerous possible solutions... if not an INFINITE number of solutions. So often we fail to uncover/discover the other possible solutions because all our energy is spent of standing our own ground.

Fourth, everyone involved must "suspend their assumptions." For an in-depth discussion on this idea, I would refer the reader to the writings of Peter Senge, et al, in a couple of marvelous books: "The Fifth Discipline" and "The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook." But for purposes of this discussion, please understand that "suspending" our assumptions does NOT mean "stopping" or "pausing." Instead it is best described as sort of hanging them on a thread in front of us for everyone to hear, look at, and consider. And I do mean consider... I DON'T mean "shoot down" or necessarily adopt, either. Each person must be given the opportunity to openly state his or her needs. EACH ONE... Capital letters, emphasized, underscored... E-A-C-H O-N-E. Until everybody's real needs are understood, the best solutions will not show themselves. It just doesn't happen. Let me share with you a little bit of Native American tradition, here...

In Native American Councils, "Hoops," or "Circles" (gatherings for in-depth dialog) a talking stick is often used. Used in conjunction with the talking stick is the "answering feather." A brief aside is due here: dialog (from the ancient Greek "dia" + "logos") means everyone truly SHARES and EXPLORES equally. This is not the same as "discussion," which traced backed to its origin is more akin to "bombardment." What we are after here is true DIALOG, so let's stop using the term "discussion" from here on out. Now, back to the talking stick and answering feather...

The talking stick is passed around the "hoop" or group. Only the person who is holding the stick is allowed to speak at that moment. He or she is allowed to fully express their thoughts and concerns. If someone has a question or needs clarification or further information from the speaker in order to better understand what he or she is expressing, they must hold up the answering feather. It's sort of like raising your hand in a meeting or a class, except that traditional Native Americans take this courtesy VERY SERIOUSLY. That may sound similar to the expected courtesies in meetings today, but there is one significant difference: a Native American would EXPECT someone to raise the answering feather. He or she knows that not everyone fully understands the thoughts being shared until they in turn share their need for further information. Too often in meetings today, we assume that everyone else has enough information to understand us, or even worse (and perhaps more often) we get defensive if someone raises a question or asks for more information. This is a very common problem which stems from another underlying (and dangerous) assumption: the idea that if someone asks a question it means that they are attacking our position, when it is very likely they are not. Unfortunately, this errant assumption that QUESTIONS = ATTACKS frequently ruins any possible chance of real dialog and problem solving. Why? Because this assumption automatically throws us back to "discussion" and thinking we must defend our individual positions.

The talking stick and answering feather are passed around until EVERYONE is satisfied that their ideas have been fully shared and everyone feels that they have all the information that they need to understand and consider everyone else's concerns. This may sound like a lengthy process, but it is rarely so. Even better, by investing the time for real dialog in the beginning, much time is saved in the long-run. It cuts WAY down on how much time is spent clearing up misunderstandings and disagreements that arise later because something was left out. I have attended many Native American hoops, and I can assure you with absolute certainty that this idea is NOT unwieldy or time consuming. It does not lead to "paralysis by analysis," because the people involved in the dialog - with a little experience and thinking - stop getting so easily distracted and getting caught up on wild tangents that just aren't necessary. It is very focused. And the focus comes from (and only WHEN) all the dialog participants are truly willing to get out of the "attack and defend" mode and shift to the mode of asking "What other possibilities might exist here?" This question just doesn't arise in people's minds and can't when they are spending their energy formulating attacks and defenses to what is being said.

Fifth, the question must be openly raised: "What other possibilities are there for us, besides the ones we thought before were our ONLY choices?" If everyone involved reaches this point, which is possible even with groups that have a strong history of warfare, although it takes time and practice (and possibly a little (or a lot of) neutral "coaching), some marvelous things can happen and people can begin to "soar" in the skies of problem-solving. Although some of them might be "hacks," there are really good "dialog facilitators" out there who can and will help individuals and groups through the process. It is a good investment to bring a neutral facilitator in, especially when dealing with issues that have been particularly "touchy" or volatile in the past... or when the participants have a strong history of warfare.

It is possible for people to disagree and everyone be "right" - at least from their own perspectives. With a little learning and practice (and maybe a little help from time to time) the possibilities for solving problems and dealing with seemingly nasty, thorny dilemmas grow exponentially.

I send up prayers for all my brothers and sisters for peace, love, happiness, and prosperity in life. May the Creator and the Spirits gift us all abundantly with these.

- Whispering Eagle, October 11, 2007 -

To thine own self be true...

2007-05-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot recently about how easily we get caught up in the trap of letting the opinions of other people in our lives affect our opinions of ourselves and our self-esteem. It's so easy to become miserable, worrying and fretting over the things other people are saying about us and the ways they act toward us.

In the words of Marcus Aurelius:

"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others."

I still have a long way to go, but I have also come a long way in my own life in terms of being comfortable in the knowledge of who I am and what I stand for in life. To that end, I am happy with who I truly am and I seek to share myself and my life with my soulmate and lifetime companion. I will not let the opinions of others - opinions that are more often than not based on very little fact or knowledge of who I really am or what I truly stand for - cause me to think that I am somehow unworthy of the blessings that the Creator/God has sent to me in life.

The Creator/God did not intend for love, joy, miracles, and true happiness to be reserved for a few select people in the Universe. He put all that is here into this Universe for all. It's up to us to connect (or re-connect) with that force, that energy that He so intended to flow through everyone and everything.

I am not only seeking that positive energy, I am experiencing it. I still have "problems" and issues come along in life just like everyone else. The B-I-G difference is that I get through them by knowing what my purpose is in life: to be a loving, supportive man who tries every day to live a life that is honorable and supportive of his soulmate and companion. With that as a "measuring stick," I can stand proud in the knowledge that I am doing what I was sent here to do.

It is my prayer that each of you who read this will consider what I have shared and that it will cause you to think a little harder about what it is you stand for in life and in turn cause you to be a little less sensitive to the opinions of everyone else around you. The opinions of others do not say anything at all about who you are... it only illuminates who they are and how they choose to think and react to things.

Receiving the gift of joy from giving...

2007-04-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been shown in my own life the true joy of what must be the greatest paradox of all time: the greatest gift you can receive is the gift that comes from giving to someone else.

I am very blessed and fortunate to be sharing my life with someone who, like myself, gets great joy from sharing love and "being there." A couple of days ago, this point was brought home very strongly to me. I had a really rough day at work. When the day was over, I spent time with my loving soulmate who listened intently to what I had to say and vent. When I was finished releasing my thoughts to her, all I wanted to do was show her how much I care and how wonderful she is. I have been thinking about that evening a great deal. It "drove home" the notion to me that I receive my greatest happiness and contentment with life and the Universe when I am giving to her. I all but completely forgot about how rough my work day had been and found myself enjoying the simple pleasures in life as we walked a trail near a lake, hand-in-hand, just sharing our love, thoughts, and time with one another.

It is in my prayers that everyone can find such a place in their lives and come to know that tremendous pleasure and rewards that come from giving yourself completely to that one person you know you want to spend the rest of your life with.

A quote on meditation...

2007-04-13T03:01:00.000-07:00

This has been a very mixed and interesting week for me. I have had some fabulous moments, buffered by some really trying moments. Throughout all this, I have sought to both pray and meditate more than I usually do, largely out of necessity. And the answers are coming in by ways quite unexpected yet more beautiful and effective than I would have ever come up with using the purely "human" side of myself. Yes, miracles are taking place in my life and things are being revealed that are forever altering the course of my life for the better.

To that end, I would like to share a quote with my friends from the poet Franz Kafka, regarding the importance of stopping now and then - both physically and spiritually - to ALLOW the answers to reveal themselves:

"It is not necessary that you leave the house. Remain at your table and listen. Do not even listen, only wait. Do not even wait, be wholly still and alone. The world will present itself to you for its unmasking, it can do no other, in ecstasy it will writhe at your feet."

The journey is as important as the destination...

2007-04-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

I ran across something recently that resonates strongly in my heart and mind. It speaks of the importance of living each day with a keen sense of awareness of the blessings and beauty that surround us. For me, the greatest blessing by far is sharing my life with the woman I truly love, respect, trust, and admire. Yes, we have some "specific" dreams of what we want in the future, just as everyone does. But the thing that makes our relationship so very special, our bond so very strong, is our mutual appreciation of the other one for simply "being there." That said, I will share the quote that has been rolling around in my head for days. They are the words of one of my favorite authors/speakers, Dr. Wayne Dyer:

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way.”

I can honestly and humbly say that just as much as I look forward to sharing the future with the most amazing, beautiful, and loving woman I have ever known, I very much enjoy and am thankful for every opportunity I get to show her - TODAY - how much I care.

I hope the above quote from Dr. Dyer will perhaps lead you to think, as I have, about the importance of appreciating the journey as much as the destination.

The Power of Connecting to Your Purpose in Life

2007-04-09T03:11:00.000-07:00

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

- Patanjali (Considered to be "The Father of Yoga.")

Success Redefined

2007-04-06T03:10:00.000-07:00

I was recently involved in a conversation that led to a brief discussion on what "success" really means. Without even thinking, I pointed out to a friend that success is not about how much money you make or how much status, prestige, or authority you gain. Rather, success is a matter of living your life - meaning personal, work, social, everything - in such a way that the person you love most in life always stands by you, trusts you, and encourages you to persevere, even when things get tough.

I have faced some really trying situations lately, most especially at work. I am thankful to have someone in my life who is there, everyday, to listen when I am frustrated or stressed out, and to remind me that as long as I do my best, I am successful in the ways that matter most.

Today, I choose to be happy.

2007-03-29T03:51:00.000-07:00

As hard as it might be for most people to understand, happiness is largely a matter of choice. If we want to be happy, the first thing we must do is make a conscious, active choice to be so. As for me, I have a plan as to where my life is going. I didn't have to sit and do a lot of in-depth analysis in order to devise this plan, because it was handed to me by the Creator (God). All I had to do was open myself to discovering it and then make the choice to live my life in harmony with it.

I now wake up every day knowing that whatever happens, whatever comes my way today, I will act, react, and live my life in ways that are in keeping with the Creator's plan. I will remember that I am a spiritual being having a human experience, not a human being having a spiritual experience. When I lay down my head to sleep at night, I intend to be at peace with myself, knowing that I have thankfully and humbly lived this day as I was supposed to.

Knowing my life's purpose and knowing that I am empowered and guided by the Creator to carry out that purpose makes me very happy. I am truly at peace with life, the Universe and myself, because I have chosen to walk the path the Creator set forth for me. Doing so not only profoundly effects me, but others as well.

Today, I choose to be happy. And I am very thankful for everything the Creator has gifted me with, most especially a very special woman who is the center of my life. The awareness of this gift in particular - along with an awareness of the tremendous trust the Creator extends by entrusting me to love, care for, and support this wonderful lady - has changed my life forever.

Today I choose to be happy.

Manifesting Simplicity - verse 81 of the Tao Te Ch'ing

2007-03-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

81. MANIFESTING SIMPLICITY

The truth is not always beautiful,
nor beautiful words the truth.
Those who have virtue,
have no need of argument for its own sake,
for they know that argument is of no avail.
Those who have knowledge of the natural way
do not train themselves in cunning,
whilst those who use cunning to rule their lives,
and the lives of others,
are not knowledgeable of the Tao,
nor of natural happiness.
The sage seeks not to have a store
of things or knowledge, for he knows,
the less of these he has, the more he has,
and that the more he gives,
the greater his abundance.
The way of the sage is pointed
but does not harm.
The way of the sage
is to work without cunning.

- Translation courtesy of Stan Rosenthal.

Satori and Living Life In Harmony with Purpose

2007-03-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

"Satori" is a word from Zen, which translates roughly to an "instant awakening." This is something that can be experienced in any person's life, provided you are willing to give yourself over to the purpose for which you were placed in this Universe. We all tend to get caught up in the "busyness" of life, and so often forget that we exist for a purpose. For each individual, this "purpose" may be different. Once you discover it, however, amazing things happen. Seemingly insurmountable obstacles seem to shrink as you find solutions presenting themselves to you. Things you thought to be impossible not only become possible, but often seem to come to fruition as if a divine hand were reaching down and doing the hard work for you.

A person who has come to recognize and embrace his or her purpose in life should not expect life to be a bed of roses. There will be trials. There will be difficult times. There will be unexpected twists and turns. But when you begin to live your life in accordance with your intended purpose, solutions to problems will begin to come more readily. You will find that you have sources of strength that you did not have in your life before. There will be true meaning to life. You will find yourself more at harmony with the forces of the Universe - and with yourself.

I am not speaking here of what I "think" is possible for us to experience. Rather, I am speaking of what I "know" to be true. Since discovering my true purpose in life, I have noticed considerable changes in myself and the way I deal with life. Yes, I still face obstacles and trials. The difference lies in how I choose to view and face them. Instead of feeling overburdened and defeated, I simply stop occasionally to consider what is most important to me in life and what it is I am trying to accomplish. I weigh and judge all of my decisions, actions, and reaction on simple criteria, which boils down to the question "Is this in keeping with my purpose in life?"

Satori came to me when I realized my true purpose in life. It was as though a switch had been instantly flipped in my heart, soul, mind, and spirit. Everything I had ever experienced in life was suddenly put into perspective. I began to know exactly who I am, where I have been, and how my life is intended to be spent. Not MY intention, but the intention of the Creator - that divine force that we also refer to as God, or by other names, depending on your spiritual orientation. Life and the world around me have not appeared the same since. It is brighter, more colorful and filled with meaning. I live each day with the sole intention of being the person I was intended to be. My life is filled with happiness and good things that I give thanks to the Creator for many times a day. Even when it appears on the surface that life is dealing me some serious blows, I find myself getting through the difficult parts with a level of hope and determination that never before existed in my life.

I no longer feel like a passive victim, waiting for life's next blow. Instead, I live my life with passion, determination, patience, and strength - all based on the knowledge that I was intended to do something very important, meaningful, and beautiful. By living in harmony with that purpose, it also turns out that my life is now filled with happiness that far surpasses anything I had ever imagined.

When you live your life in accordance with your true purpose, the results end up being nothing short of miraculous, even if it takes a little time to start noticing those "everyday" miracles that are taking place.

Abraham Lincoln on Having a Forgiving Spirit.

2007-03-26T03:21:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share the following words, penned by Abraham Lincoln, on the subject of forgiveness...

"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. For too long, every ounce of forgiveness I owned was locked away, hidden from view, waiting for me to bestow its precious presence upon some worthy person. Alas, I found most people to be singularly unworthy of my valuable forgiveness, and since they never asked for any, I kept it all for myself. Now, the forgiveness that I hoarded has sprouted inside my heart like a crippled seed yielding bitter fruit. No more. At this moment, my life has taken on new hope and assurance. Of all the world’s population, I am one of the few possessors of the secret to dissipating anger and resentment. I now understand that forgiveness has value only when it is given away. By the simple act of granting forgiveness, I release the demons of the past about which I can do nothing, and I create in myself a new heart, a new beginning. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.

"I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness. Many are the times when I have seethed in anger at a word or deed thrown into my life by an unthinking or uncaring person. I have wasted valuable hours imagining revenge or confusion. Now I see the truth revealed about this psychological rock inside my shoe. The rage I nurture is often one-sided, for my offender seldom gives thought to his offense. I will now and forevermore silently offer my forgiveness even to those who do not see that they need it. By the act of forgiving, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. I give up my bitterness. I am content in my soul and effective again with my fellow man.

"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly. Knowing that slavery in any form is wrong, I also know that the person who lives a life according to the opinion of others is a slave. I am not a slave. I have chosen my counsel.

"I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what is best for the future of my family, and neither misguided opinion nor unjust criticism will alter my course. Those who are critical of my goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose to which I have been called. Therefore, their scorn does not affect my attitude or action. I forgive their lack of vision, and I forge ahead. I now know that criticism is part of the price paid for leaping past mediocrity.

"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself. For many years, my greatest enemy has been myself. Every mistake, every miscalculation, every stumble I made has been replayed again and again in my mind. Every broken promise, every day wasted, every goal not reached has compounded the disgust I feel for the lack of achievement in my life.

"My dismay has developed a paralyzing grip. When I disappoint myself, I respond with inaction and become more disappointed. I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living in my head. By forgiving myself, I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in the present. From this day forward, my history will cease to control my destiny.

"I have forgiven myself.

"My life has just begun.

"I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness.

"I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly.

"I will forgive myself.

"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit."

-- Abraham Lincoln